mermaid's weblog 🧜🏻‍♀️

thirty, flirty, and (barely) surviving

i'm tired of being sick.

hey hi, i know it's been a few months. i've been sick. i don't know what it is, i am going to try to make a doctor's appointment today. all month, which happens to be my birthday month, and not just any birthday since i am now out of my 20s, i have been off and on sick. hoping it's nothing too serious, but i've been running off of little sleep for days and when i can sleep it's just naps which i normally can't do.

so i'm tired, in pain, slightly hungry but nervous to eat because that's what's been causing my issues. i'm not sure if i've got a mild food sensitivity or some other issue.

i've got other stuff i want to post about, but right now all i can think about is how i feel bad and i just need somewhere to vent until i can go to the doctor and see my therapist this week.

i've hated my birthday for as long as i can remember. for context, when i turned 20 i made the candles on the cake say 02 instead because i was devastated i lived long enough to enter my 20s. and now here i am, ten years later. and i'm not going to lie, mentally and otherwise i am in a much better place even though i heavily miss my loved ones who are no longer here. but being sick for such an important time...

i decorated my house the last day of february for my birthday and also other march holidays. i got a themed birthday cake, which was the "30, flirty, and thriving" line from 13 going on 30, one of my favorite movies. i even got a dress similar to the one she wears during the thriller scene. i never celebrated like turning certain ages before. like, even though i love taylor swift, i never did anything special cake or otherwise when i turned 22 for example.

what a way to end my 20s, pain. hope this isn't a sign of what's to come for my 30s.

my brain of course keeps going to the worst health things it could be, mostly due to family history. i'm trying to work on my other sites and this one to get my mind off of it (another future update if i remember).

sorry for the vent, i just needed to cry and get it all out.

hopefully next update will be about lighter, more positive things. and hopefully this shit will at the very least be slightly under control and managed.

  1. [this was written by taylor swift](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GjzhFF0NXl8) :)↩︎

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